I’ve always felt, if I can’t trust you…I don’t need to be with you. Webster define trust as “to believe that someone or something is reliable, good, honest, effective; to have confidence in (someone or something).” The person who I’m with I need to feel those things and if something is said or done to cause me to not have those feeling…I let it go.
Trust is the glue of life. It’s the most essential ingredient in effective communication. It’s the foundational principle that holds all relationships.
You wait until they are asleep or leave their phone out where you can have access to it. You try to figure out their password, so you can see who they have been calling and texting. You crack the code to get into their email to see who they have been sending emails too. You work hard to get their password to Facebook to see who they have been messaging. You spend a lot of time and energy being a detective to investigate what your gut has been telling you or something you have seen or heard to make you feel that they are cheating on you, so now you don’t trust them anymore.
You put a lot of time, but most importantly a lot of energy into trying to prove to yourself that you are right, they are seeing someone else. If you are with someone and you have to go through all of that to be with them, you don’t need them. Why waste your time and energy when you can simple walk away. Being with someone who you are suspicious about all the time is not being in a good relationship…why? You have no peace. You are constantly watching and listening for anything they say or do, so you can put your detective hat back on to prove what you suspect is right.
You are the one who is suspicious, you are the one who is unhappy, you are the one who is wasting your time and energy. You are the one with trust issues, not them. They are at peace doing whatever they might be doing, while you are going crazy trying to find out what they really are doing. They might be seeing, texting, calling or messaging someone else, but you’re the one going through major changes trying to find out if they are. If you feel someone is doing that to you, they probably are. Our gut is usually right and when you go looking for something, you’re probably going to find what you are looking for. If you’re with someone and you are continuously suspicious of what they are doing and spending most of your time playing detective, you need to let them go.
So…my question is when you find what you’re looking for, what do you do with it? Do you stay or do you go?